Lesson One: Sanity
by M i s s. CANDYcancer
Summary: [Parody of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. Following the book.] I guess now I know not to follow stuffed rabbits with one ear into my mirror considering the Mocha isn't that good down there, anyways.


This is from so long ago. The spelling is bad. Grammer is bad, but other than that I tried and it was the last thing I wrote before I forgot how to... you know... write.

Eh.

I hope you like it.

Review! PLEASE! I beg. Tell me if you would like an update. God knows if I'll be able to pull it off but I could try if anyone wants an update.

Love.

Soru Fookin' Skellington

* * *

Raven sat down lazily dozing off. It was noon, and there was nothing else to do but sit and wait for the next traces of slade to come up. Lately she had just been reading some Jhonen Vasquez Fanfiction. Her preferable authors were snickers-03 and SangoXKirara. She found herself indulging in some old anime facinations, reading 'Search For Love' from time to time by SangoXKirara but sadly she never updated. She was strange, prefering SangoXInuyasha pairings was unacceptable in the Fanfiction world, sometimes she felt herself doze off when she read other fanfiction because there simply was no fanart to go with it. 

And afterall, what if fanfiction with out fanart? How could one pay attention? Why are there such things as typos? How come spell check never catches most of them and then after that people gets flames for being stupid... if there stupid how do they write so well, and...

"Oh God-ess I'm rambling again aren't I, Rorik?" She said to her Raven lazily. The bird just gave a loud squak in return and the boredly turned back to finish You Remind Me By Raku.

"You know what Rorik?"

The bird gave a confused 'squak.'

"I haven't played American Mcgee's Alice and this is about the fifty millionth time I've read My Friend Seth... She really should update her stuff... until then you think I should play Alice in Wonderland?"

The bird shook violently and the looked back up to Raven as if giving an enthusastic nod.

"I guess so then... you know Rorik, if the world were my way, everything wouldn't make any sense. because if it did then I wouldn't have to spend so much time thinking about it, and then a teapot wouldn't break... it really gets expensive, you know? I think Robin is getting pissed..." She gave a thoughtful look and then shook her head as if snapping back to reality.

'I feel very spacey today... I wonder if I could say that ten times fast with out something blowing up... spacey spacey sapcey spacy spacey- oop there went a light bulb!' Raven thought suddenly turning around to see a busted blacklight.

She sighed. "Note to self, next time in Nevermore, kick spacey Raven in the shin.

"Of course then again. I wouldn't have to kick her in the shin if everything was nonsense, because then, Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And so, what it is, it wouldn't be, and what it wouldn't be, it would. You see, Rorik?" She let out a large sigh, "That is what happens when you live off 3 three nights of Crazc." (Raven is very awake because apprently as she has informed me crazc or 'crazk' as some people would spell it, is 372 pixie stix, eight sugar packets of splenda mixed in each tube, and served with a death by chocolate, Chocolate Chai, or Mocha. Or all three if you want to get technical.)

Rorik gave a confused flap of the wing.

Raven just glared looking away from the captivating words of thejennamonster, "You know Rorik, in my world, instead of being a stupid bird who can't do anything but convulse like a fat alf kid after it sees a twinkie, you would say, "Why no Miss Roth, I have no idea what your talking about you sadistic little crazc head!"

The bird gave a confused squak.

Raven's hands flew up the air and the let out a long string of illegiable japanese cuss words before turning back to her precious fanfiction.

'Alright back to my fanfiction obessions... hmm where was I?

'Two blue-black locks of hair swayed slightly as the tall lanky figure walked, shoulders hunched. Brown eyes, that held a depth and a pending sanity darted from side to side anxiously. Hot breath formed icy crystals as it made contact with the chill air. It was a Tuesday night. A man by the name of Johnny C. wandered the streets with no particular destination. He just-

-CRASH-

"AHHH!" Raven let out a large howl before falling on the floor with a sickening thud. " WHAT IN THE H-" She was cut off when she saw Rorik perch happily atop the mess he had so graciously made. All of her books lay in one big pile on the floor.

"You stupid bird! YOu know I can summon you back to Nevermore if I want to!... I hate your god-ess forsaken high pitched voice anyways... If it weren't for the fact that you scare the living heck out of Beast Boy then I would-" She was cut off by the sight of something she would have never thought possible.

Her stuffed Rabbit, missing one button eye, made of cotton, and missing an ear, and a had busted open leg, was limping across the floor. And if it couldn't get any stranger he was carrying her pocket watch...

How peculiar...

Where was he going... and WAIT- that was her favorite rabbit that her mother had made for her, if she lost him then...

"Hey WHERE ARE YOU GOING? COME BACK HERE YOU STUPID RABBIT!" Her calls went un headed as the rabbit patheticly hopped up on her dresser and made its way to her mirror.

"No.. NO DON'T GO IN THERE!"

The rabbit turned around and a muffled voice was sounded just before dissapearing into the mirror.

"Oh dear, Oh dear! I shall be late!"

Raven rushed up to mirror, picked it up and stuck her head in. On the other side her head appeared in what looked to be a long tunnel.

"Rabbit? Oh Mister Rabbit!... Wait- Why am I talking like this... and... and why does all of this seem so vaugly familair... Ah what the heck then." Raven said non chalantley. She fit the rest of her body into the mirror, and down down down she went...

-

Raven found herself falling down what seemed to be a long tunnel. She had been at this at what seemed to be for hours. She began to find herself squninting to see. Where ever she was, her stuffed rabbit was no where in sight and she was beging to feel rather stupid, after all what type of person goes inside of RAVEN'S mirror with out even thinking about what they are getting themselves into. She found her self taking her eyes off of what was below her, when she saw what she was wearing.

"SORU YOU BITCH, WHAT IN AZARATH IS THIS?"

A voice sounded from the top of the tunnel, "Sorry Rea, but you know the rules. In parodies you have to look like the characters!"

Raven folded her arms. Fisrt off she was very confused. Who the heck was this 'Soru' person? AND WHY IN THE SEVEN PLANES OF AZARATH DID SHE HAVE CONTROL OVER WHAT SHE WAS WEARING? And futher more how did she even know who Soru was... all well, she had other things on her mind. After all she was stuck falling down a tunnel with what seemed to have no bottom, her rabbit was gone, and aside from that she hadn't gotten any reviews in weeks!

Life just wasn't fair.

"And I'm wearing a stupid dress, with an apron, and stockings..."

She found herself looking at her out fit once more.

Well, it did have an American Mcgee feel to it. The dress was a shredded black. Her apron was blood stained and had a skull tie, and she was wearing boots with heart buckles...

Raven let out a sigh, "Might as well see where I am." She took her eyes off her dress and looked at the sides of the well. Her eyes widend. This was no tunnel. This was some weird version of a demented Occult Book Store. It was filled with books on Meditation, paganism, magick for the modern solitary wiccan other assortments of books. Along with book shelves were maps of Azarath and nevermore pinned to sides with the beaks of the four eyed birds. She took down a jar labeled 'Mochalatte'. To her great disspointment it was empty, she really was thirsty, and getting rather tired. Raven, not thinking, dropped the jar.

"OOPS!" She scrammbled downward in swimming like motions to pick it back up. She was relieved when she caught it, thinking about how she could kill someone if it did drop. She looked back up to see how far down she had come. To her dissapoinment, the shelf she had recieved it from, was not but two feet above her. She sighed, jumped up a bit and placed it back, only to yet again fall slowly downward, and into the state of boredom she was before, when her mind began to wander.

'Well,' Raven thought to herself, 'You know after a fall like this I never wanna hear Beast Boy complain about when I shove him down the stairs back home. He should think nothing of it. Hmmm, I wonder what Robin will think of me after this back home, maybe he'll think of me as brave and not crazy and then we can elope and- RAVEN ADRIANA ROTH, what in the seven planes of azarath are you thinking? Of course he'll still think you're crazy, heck your talking about falling down a tunnel here! Following a stuffed rabbit, that's complaining about being late!... still, anything can happen in Nevermore.

Down. Down. Down. Would the fall never stop? Honestly she was begining to even miss Rorik, and she was really begining to wonder if Raku or SangoXkirara had updated yet... 'I wonder how many miles I've fallen... I must be getting some where by now! Maybe even the center of the earth. That would be four gillion right? (You see, when Raven was a child on Azarath she wasn't able to go school, so she did some reading on her own. Unfortunatly that source turned out to be a prime suspect on America's most wanted, for impersoanting a school teacher he had killed while making the students work for him in a crack house, so to much of her dissapointment, most likely this was not correct, but as long as no one was here, she could still say and sound smart... well atleast to herself...) 'Mmm Hmm! That's the right distance! I wonder what Longitude or Latitude I'm at... You know I have no clue what thoes words mean!'

She smacked herself, Dear Hecate she was starting to sound like Starfire. Soon she was cuaght up in her thoughts again.

'I wonder if I'll end up fallling right THROUGH the earth! Wow! That would be halarious. I wonder if people on the bottom of the earth walk on the ceiling... how do they stay attatched to the earth... I wonder if the fall, do they say, 'Oh I fell up!' It would be really weird to see people walking with their ears... big ears... like Beast Boy...' At this thought her eyes went side as she struggled to swim to the top 'NO NO NO LOTS OF BEAST BOYS!' She stopped, 'Then again, I might not see Beast Boy, I just might see people who look like him... all well, I can take that.' She then resumed falling again.' They would just be Antipathies, I think... Wow that sounded horrible. Am I even using the right word?' She smacked herself. She was then brought back into her thoughts, 'I wonder if I should ask some one when I get there, "Excuse me. Ma'am? Is this Canada or Quebeck?" Wait that's not right at all... I feel very stupid right about now. I guess I'll just look to see if its written some where when I get there.'

Down, down, down. There was nothing left to do. And Raven being the easily bored person that she is, went into her own world, once more, and had a conversation with none other than herself. 'Rorik'll miss me very much tonight. Well then again, I'm not really sure if I care. He is a stupid bird really, can't do anything else exept for squak, but even I want some company right now... I'm going to kill who ever is making me do this when this is over. Preferably that Soru-chick... she seems to be the root of all this, aside from that I hope some one remembers to feed that darn bird... knowing the people I live with, if I don't get back soon he'll be dead. Oh Rorik, I wish you down here with me. If I'm going to have some one to die of hunger with me, I would want it to be you, wow does that sound desprate... oh I am such a loser. But even if Rorik was here with me, there are no mice in the air to eat. Rorik does like mice, I think... doesn't he? Or was that my pet lizard? I can't remember... but hmm, I wonder, well bats fly in the air. Do birds eat bats? Do birds eat bats?' Raven began to doze off, she began to repeat it to herself in a dreamy sort of way, 'Do birds eat bats?...' and sometimes 'Do bats eat birds?' For you see, dear Raven couldn't answer either one of these questions, it really didn't matter which way she put it. As her eyelids closed she went into a dream state in which she walked hand in hand with Rorik. 'Now tell me Rorik.' Raven said to the bird, 'Did you ever eat a bat?' when suddenly THUMP! THUMP! THUMP! Down she came upon a heap of yule logs and dried oak leaves. Finally the fall was over. She was dissapointed when she realized she obviously was nowhere near Canada, or Quebeck for that matter, she had always wanted to see the palm trees...

Raven was obvioulsy not a bit hurt, and she jumped up to her feet and in a moment she looked up only to see a ceiling.

"Well it looks as though Rorik will just have to die. All well, I'll get a new one bird is as stupid as the next." She sighed out. She was cut off when she saw a long tunnel, there in sight was her stuffed rabbit hurridly limping down the dirt passage. Not a moment was lost before Raven went flying down the tunnel. Just then she looked down.

"Wait... I can fly." She jumped up only to come back down.

Obviously her powers were gone.

"Ugh!" She strained out and then resumed darting down corridor.

"Oh my ears and whiskers! how it's getting late!" He held out his pocket watch and ran faster down the hallway... thing.

Raven was dissapointed when after what seemed like miles of running, the rabbit was gone and she was in a long hallways filled with lamps hanging down the roof. Not to mention how low the ceiling was.

There were doors all around, but all were locked. When she went to the last door she was at she found it too was locked. Sadly, Raven walked into the center of the room wondnering how the heck she was ever going to get out again...

A thought struck her and she felt sick.

"I'LL NEVER GET TO READ AGAIN!" She cried out. Suddenly out of no where, she came upon a three legged table. It was made of solid glass; there was nothing on it except for a tiny key. A thought struck her. Maybe she would read again. Maybe, she would be able to unlock one of the door, but try after try alas the key holes were too big.

She sighed.

"Damn karma."

However when she came to a low purple cutain, laced with black cobwebs and shreded. Only fifteen inches high was the door behind it. She tried to unlock it with the key.

"DEAR HECATE IT FITS!" She cried.

Raven opened the door and found it led into a small passage, not much larger than a rat-hole: she knelt down and looked along the paddage into the best thing she had ever seen in her life.

On the other side was an Scarling. concert. She could feel the excitment bubble up inside of her. This would be her once in a life time oopurtunity to see Scarling.! The concert was dark and the lights blared against the fog covered stage as the played all of her favorite songs. The fan's cheers flooded the vast area. How she longed to get out of this damn dress and bow down before Jessicka's sweet voice.

But alas she couldn't fit her head in, much less her body. 'Even if my head could go through,' thought poor miss Roth, 'it wouldn't be much use with out my shoulders. Oh how I wish I shut up like a telescope. One of those cheap ones from the dollar store. I think I could if only I knew how to begin.' So many out of the way things had happened today she was beging to rarely think that a few things were really impossible.

How was she ever going to get out of this one.

That's when she spotted the bottle on the table...


End file.
